I think I'm going to make this an annual thing but last saturday lil Hannah came over to carve pumpkins with me and to spend some time with Zoe.




Finito!

"I'm a celebrity too!"

I'm sorry I have neglected my lil SusanJane blog but I have an exciting update so I know you will forgive me.

Saturday Debra, Angie, Zoe, and I went dress shopping for Angie's wedding. We had JUST parked outside of Kleinfelds when we see Tom Green walk up to us with Jesse James.

Tom: Are you guys looking for a dress?
Me: HI! (trying to remember his name)
Angie: Yes
Me: Yes (but inside I'm thinking "OMIGOD, how did he know?!" Psychic!)
Tom: Ok well FOLLOW ME!!!

And like the naive lil children who followed the Pied Piper we followed. I'm thinkin "HOly SHit! What are we doing? He's gonna make fun of Asian people or do something embarrasing to us." I mean c'mon, have you ever seen his show back in the day? I didn't even know that was Jesse James till Angie told me. I just remember saying "Um, the only Jesse James I know is the one that used to be married to a porn star and now he's married to Sandra Bullock?" Angie's like "Yeah. That's the one." Next thing you know we're all signing waivers and I even had to sign one for Zoe. I asked Debra if she had gotten any info and she was told that it was a contest and this was all for charity but they weren't allowed to tell us anything Omigod. We're going to be on Celebrity Apprentice! We walked into this building and next person I see is Brian McKnight. They weren't allowed to say but I knew. I was standing by the entrance holding Zoe and next thing you know I see Khloe Kardashian walking by in a bridal gown! In broad daylight! On the sidewalk! I was so starstruck. Oh and there was like no privacy what-so-ever. I went over to Angie who was being helped by a sales person and I said "Angie..." all of a sudden a mic pops out over the rack of dresses between us. PERSONAL SPACE, PERSONAL SPACE! My FAVORITE celeb that day was Jesse James. He kept wanting to talk to Zoe and asked if he could hold her and kept walking by me to talk to her. Clint Black also came up to her to kiss her on the forehead and hold her hand. Both of them Dads.

The store that they lured us to.                                                                                           Brian McKnight & Clint Black (Angie I blacked out your dress)
    

Zoe with Jesse James (L) and Tom Green (R).
    

Zoe & I playing in front of the mirror waiting for Angie Eemoh to negotiate the final price with Brian McKnight           Angie & her sister Debra
  

We saw this big dude up front that looked like he might be an athlete who wasn't doing shit. I'm thinking "Dude, you're fired."

Me: Angie, who's the big black dude.
Angie: I don't know. Probably an athlete.
Me: Ok well I'm taking his photo.
ANgie: Ok we can always ask the guys when we get home.

It turned out it was Herschel Walker.


Oh and for all you bride nerds, Sylvia Weinstock was also there!


Random photos:
  

Told you it was a good entry!

Sarah


Owen


Zoe


My Mom

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck." Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."

Hi! (waving)

Wow, I really never come to this page anymore now that I have a baby I'm always writing about her on my baby blog which means I have no life of my own. She is my life now. It's strange how your life changes so quickly once you have a baby. The hubs and I were just talking about how we really don't remember how our life was before we had her. I'm dead serious. I really don't remember. It's odd.

We are in the process of buying a new home. YAY! Bedroom for Zoe! Backyard for Zoe! Playroom for Zoe! So once we get that going I shall be posting more. We're gonna need to buy furniture and I'm gonna be painting the walls. I cannot wait! I will post photos gallore...for my whores....who eat smores!!! Woohoo! And I can open doors for bores who snore who like Al Gore!

I'm awsome. Don't hate.

Omigod. I'm turning into one of 'them'. I told myself that I wouldn't write about her at all once I started writing this entry but I can't help it. Now I'm writing about how I said I wouldn't write about her! I CANNOT STOPPING! OMIGOD!!! HELP ME!!!

"Hi. My name is Susan and I'm a Zoeholic."

Just look at her face! It's so cute. How can I resist this? Viva la resistance!
Look at her cute lil senior citizen forehead lines!

It says "Talk about me." I am you conceited cuteness! Mommy is!

God I'm so boring now. Want an update on my Venus Fly Traps?!

Wow. I just confirmed it. Boring I is. Can anyone hear the crickets chirping or is it just me?

Oh well! Enjoy the new track by Coldplay. Love this song! Makes me wanna jump up and dance.

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the supermarket, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No miss, they're dead."

The policeman got out of his car and the lad who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the policeman said. The lad replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the lad on his way without a ticket.

A truck driver was driving along on the motorway. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No actually, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol."

A crowded British Airways flight was cancelled. A single agent was booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS. "The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?" Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public announcement microphone."May I have your attention please," she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity , please come to Gate 14." With the people behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the agent, gritted his teeth and swore. "F***you! "Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too."

A college teacher reminded her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow." A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class stifled their laughter and sniggering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled sympathetically at the student and said, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call  each other Laura,Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw  in £20 even though it's only for £32.50.
None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. 
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs. 
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S. 
The  average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS
Women love cats. 
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. 
A  man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he  doesn't. 
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants,  empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post. 
A man will  dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. 
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. 
She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. 
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Omigod I almost killed my babies but then I threw a plastic cup on top and all is well!

Thank you God for bringing me Timmy's house instead of Michael Vick's. Amen.


This is what sorry looks like.

Thanks Cathleya! Love you girl!